in the in between

In the basement 

In the deep end

In the cellar of my soul

In the basement

In the deep end

There’s a fear that grips, controls

In the darkness there’s a battle I must fight

And fight to win

But the irony, the beauty,

–can it come in the surrender?

Surrender? oh surrender…

to  relinquish and to see

It’s accepting, not rejecting-

With great courage, comes great peace

In the stopping, in the hearing, 

In the ground beneath my feet

In the feeling, weeping, kneeling

In the groans that rise from deep

In the knowing, gentle knowing

That there’s light still up ahead

In the courage, steps of courage

To move forward, not to dread

For there’s hope, there’s light there’s beauty

In this cellar of my soul

Oh the great mysterious treasure

That I am loved 

And this I know

I am loved

And this I know

Turn the light on in the cellar

Oh my soul, find strength to stand

For the ground beneath is firm

And the hope without demand

There’s a light ahead I know it

There’s a light behind I’ve seen

There’s a strength in me growing

To see the light in the in between

To seek the light in this in between

***Note: There have been some deep and tragic events in the past month that have touched those I love and deeply care for. A lot of the writings of recent days in my journal and notes have just arisen out of praying for those I love to find hope, to sense God’s presence and love, and to move toward mending. This poem is one of those that arose out of praying through–mostly without even words…I’m so thankful that God hears when we have no words…and is so very present –even in the depths… (Psalm 139:7-12) ***

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

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