…a few thoughts on marriage…


I so enjoyed watching the interaction of these two birds this morning. Yes, believe it or not, there are two birds in this photo. It’s tough to tell, but the female (who is moving so very fast that she is barely visible…just a blur…) is rocking the feeder a bit…and the male seems to be ducking for cover.

Kinda funny.  And oh so familiar!

In our homes, we women can tend to flit and fly about a bit in a flurry of function. Yep…flitting and flying around making sure that our nest is set and our little birds are fed, fit and ready to face the world. We flit and fly and function.

And oftentimes, the male, the very present and attempting to be-in-there-with-it-all-male, is ….ducking for cover. Yikes. He might need cover from words of what we need to flit about next. Or words of what should’ve been flit over yesterday. Or words of where we’ll be flitting tomorrow. Or maybe he’s in a flurry of what his part in all this flitting about should be according to the head flitter.

Yeah, the moment of watching the birds brought a grin to my face, and a cringe to my heart.  It was a bit too familiar.

I don’t consider myself a nagger by any means. (Only because I’ve learned from experience that has zero effect.  Correction. Zero effect in a positive way. It def has an effect…the opposite of what I’d hope for.) But I’m definitely a flitter…one who’s rushing around trying to get stuff done. Sometimes I flit in a flurry with people in my wake ducking for cover…just like my poor little purple finch friend.

Yesterday, I read a quote that made me pause and remember and simplify this whole marriage thing in my  mind a bit.  Here goes:  “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” (Martin Luther…yeah, him!)  Yep. Pretty plain and simple. Pretty profound at the same time. And it made me stop and think about how getting back to simple basics is so important.

And I remember as a young bride and young mom literally running or rushing to the door to welcome my man home. The kids followed suit to welcome their Daddy.  And when people came to our house, we’d have lots of little ones filing out to welcome whoever it was to our home.  They followed the lead… Lots of years later,  when Buddy comes home, there’s still a welcome, but rarely the same, “WELCOME HOME” that he used to get way back when.  Back then, a lot of the ‘flitting about’ included moving toward and catering to that all-important relationship. The focus was so on family…not just on family function and a flurry of activities on the to do list.

Here’s another little lesson from the birds…I’m pretty amazed by how often birds come two by two to the bird feeder. Mourning doves,chickadees,  and cardinals all regularly come two by two. They linger, feed, and interact. It’s a beautiful sight to see….and it reminds me that being together, side by side, in the ordinary stuff of life matters. Spending time together is crucial. No matter how invincible we think we are, or our marriage is, couples need time together.  Not coming together just to function. Coming together to have fun and be and rest…(and let the other bird rest as well…) Like the birds, coming two by two  is a key to a good solid relationship.


One more thought on the quote by Martin Luther. It states that we take ownership of our tasks…not that of the spouse. (Ouch.) Let the wife make his husband be happy he’s home. (That takes her looking at his needs and thinking of him.) Let the husband make his wife sorry to see him leave. (That takes him looking at her needs and thinking of her…) Yeah, this is not about telling the other spouse what to do. It’s about taking ownership of giving. Giving, giving, giving seems to be key in any good relationship. Not necessarily giving stuff. Giving time. Credit. An attentive ear. A good laugh. A encouraging word. Giving grace. Giving a little breathing room.



Like the birds, we’ve got lots of necessary things to do in a day. And yes, our nests require upkeep and job delegation. But it’s important to know that the flitting and function is there for the family…not the family there for the flitting and function. Kind of an important distinction, I’d say (to myself).  Because, we don’t want to leave our partners ducking for cover while we’re flurrying through our day.  Just a few thoughts and reminders from my friendly little finch friends.



“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” 

Ephesians 4: 2-3

6 responses to …a few thoughts on marriage…

  1. Tina Schell says:

    Wow, that’s a serious reaction to seeing the bird couple but great food for thought. I often think about this and try to remember not to let things get “old” in our relationship. So far so good but always great to have a reminder!


    • soletusknow says:

      You’re right. I love analogies and am really bad about rambling on and on 🙂 I was glad to have the reminder too.


  2. Rebekah Lafone says:

    Love this! Thanks for the reminder…. “It’s about taking ownership of giving. Giving, giving, giving seems to be key in any good relationship. Not necessarily giving stuff. Giving time. Credit. An attentive ear. A good laugh. An encouraging word. Giving grace. Giving a little breathing room.” ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • soletusknow says:

      Thanks, Rebekah…am thinking that flitting little bird was there to remind me as well! So great to hear from you …Hope you and yours are doing well! (Love that your family is growing with your new daughter-in-law!) ❤


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