Yes, I have a few thoughts on husbands. Correction. Husband. Singular. Meaning mine. I’ve joked (sort of) in other posts that my husband is a ‘man among men’ in many ways. (And sadly, this was said more humorously than amorously…) He is stubborn, thinks he’s invincible, and often doesn’t filter his thoughts through his brain before they come out of his mouth. He will probably admit to all of the above freely. He lives with an extreme intensity which has probably greatly contributed to his success in playing football, being an undercover cop, and coaching sports. My husband is one of a kind and like him or not, he is who he is. (I happen to like him, most days anyway.)
Well, this weekend, I was reminded of a few things about the man. You see, he’s living about 4 hours away right now, building a home on the coast of NC, so we are traveling back and forth to see each other. This weekend was my turn, so on Friday after work, my son and I jumped in the car and made the trek to Wilmington. On the way, my son got a call from his Dad. I could tell that Buddy was asking Tanner what snacks he wanted because Tan started listing things like ‘Oreos’ and ‘chips like Doritos…yeah Doritos’. And I kinda wished that he would ask me what I wanted because I was so in the mood for popcorn, but I kept quiet and just asked that we have coffee in the morning. I would definitely need coffee in the morning.
And when we got there, we all hugged and brought in our stuff to his little apartment (that he affectionately calls his ‘bachelor pad’, ha.) and what did I see? Coffee already made, two mugs, with ‘my cup’ on one and ‘your cup’ on the other. He of course got Tanner the Oreo cookies he wanted, but remembered from way back in the Fall that I had tried the Lemon Oreos and loved them. Yep. They were there too. And do you know what else was there? Pop corn. The man notices.
And I guess that’s what this post is about. It’s about …noticing. Noticing the little thing, the little things he does that are so thoughtful. You see, this man who drives me crazy in every possible way and doesn’t pick up his socks, communicates in one word answers and is as stubborn as all-get-out….this man knows me. He notices things I don’t think he sees, and cares about the little things.They aren’t always the things I care about, but that’s what happens when you have different takes, view, perspectives on things. When the kids were little, he knew what every one of them wanted on his or her sandwich (that’s no small feat with 6 children). He works hard for our family. And the man who may not be seen as the greatest communicator makes sure that he talks with all of our kids almost on a daily basis.
And it’s good for me to notice what he notices. It’s good for me to step back and appreciate those little things. It’s so easy to see what’s lacking, the gaps,the falling short. I know that as women, often long for more and have a vision of what we hope things could be. But there’s so much that is. And the cool thing is, is that the more I notice what is, it seems, that there is so much more to notice. There it is again…perspective changes everything.
They say that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I can only speak for myself, but it sure has helped me to appreciate my husband. In his absence, I see what is. Like a puzzle with pieces missing, I realize what was there that maybe I didn’t see before. I so wouldn’t wish living separately on many couples. But it sure has helped me and my husband. I have a feeling he’s seeing some of the missing pieces too, and appreciating what is. And even though he may not communicate and have deep conversations with me about this or that, he’s showing me in his own way that he’s all in and he cares and he notices. And I can’t help but notice that.
Oh, and he called tonight to make sure we got home okay and said he’d definitely be coming home next weekend. In the midst of all the absence and gaps and loss, we’ve got a lot to be thankful for. And what we don’t have? Well it seems to make us more thankful for what we do.
What Bud sees when he walks out the door in the morning….and what we get to see when we’re there…Kind of the best of both worlds, I’d say. At least that’s how I’m choosing to see it…