“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis Smedes

Question: Seriously? Even when the offense is so deep and horrific and impactful?

Thought: Forgiveness is only necessary when there has been an offense. Sometimes that offense has been incredibly great.

Question: But doesn’t forgiveness mean you’re making light of what is done? You’re allowing the person to be ‘off the hook’?

Thought: Nope. It’s an acknowledgement that there was indeed an offense. That offense can be small or great, but in either case, it has impacted a human and that human’s way of relating to others. If there is a need for forgiveness, there is an acknowledgement that there was indeed a wrong done.

Question: What do you mean ‘relating to others’.

Thought: We carry our relationships with us. We are lifted by positive interactions and connections, and we are burdened by negative interactions. We carry both. Forgiveness– Forgiveness is a way of releasing the weight, the burden, the daily drain– of a broken relationship. I’ve often told my own children that we carry around every broken relationship we have. It’s important to keep short accounts with folks–to feel, deal, and heal quickly and live at peace with others in as much as it depends on us.

Question: Does that mean that we have to have a relationship with that person?

Thought: The hope would be that there would be, in time, healing and that walls be torn down and bridges repaired. Rebuilding trust takes time. The hope is that the healing would come for both parties in the forgiving, and in healing would come a new way of seeing each other, of seeing ourselves. There is joy in the release. In the light of that weight lifted there can be renewal, a new way of seeing the other person. Both sides are freed with forgiveness. Ask Corrie Ten Boom. She was in a concentration camp and experienced atrocities humans are not meant to endure. And she did not want to forgive. Who would? But she learned the power of forgiveness. She, with Lewis Smedes could probably say that , yes, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Please take a few minutes to listen to her story: Corrie Ten Boom on forgiveness…

Question: But what if the offense continues?

Thought: Sheesh. Hard. Good question. I’m thinking forgiving is one thing…yes I’m all for it. But putting ourselves back and back and back into the same situation that not only creates new problems but also triggers all of the old? Well, my thoughts are that – yes, forgive. But I also think it is necessary to step back from relationships that are abusive. It doesn’t help anybody. So yeah, am thinking there’s a time and a place for very clear boundaries and “stepping back.” That looks different in any situation. And here’s another thought- it’s not about being mad at somebody for not doing the dishes or taking out the trash. I’m talking about serious offenses which are destructive to not only the offended, but also the offender. So, I’m thinking that stepping back can walk hand in hand with forgiveness. Balance is key for sure.

Question: What happens when we hold onto the offense, the grievance?

Thought: When we hold onto grievances, we don’t realize the weight, the burden, the drain it is on our daily lives, on our current relationships. Conversely, when we let them go, release, oh the freedom that comes. It takes time, but hopefully, in due time, we can release the hurt, the hate, the devastation, and in response, realize that when we refused to forgive, we were the ones being burdened. Amazing how we humans can hold ourselves hostage and not even realize it. Release brings freedom and renewal. We are not meant to be prisoners bound by a lack of forgiveness. We are meant to be free. Free.

That is my hope for you. That is my hope for me.

For we are all offended. We live in a fallen world. Sin is real. It is destructive and has impact. So does grace. So does forgiveness. After all, that’s why Jesus came.

So thankful that He came to bear the burdens and asks us to lay them down.

Yes, after all that’s why Jesus came. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 . I’m thinking that’s a good word as we struggle to let go because freedom is a good, good thing.

By His Grace~

Heather